What’s this daily charge for ‘fruit’? The hotel guest asked the manager.
“We didn’t eat any.”
“But the fruit was place in your room every day. It isn’t our fault you didn’t take advantage of it.”
“I see,” said the man as he subtracted $150.00 from the bill
“What are you doing”? Sputtered the manager.
“I’m subtracting 50 dollars a day for your kissing my wife.”
“What? I didn’t kiss your wife.”
“Ah,” replied the man, “but she was there.”
17 Rules Between Men and Women
1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any given time..
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male doesn’t abide by THE RULES, it is because he can’t take the heat, lacks ackbone, and is a wimp.
16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5
A mother carefully explained to her young daughter how children were created.
She used the expression “carrying a child” instead of “pregnant,” but the girl seemed satisfied.
Sometime later, a terrible fire broke out in the neighborhood, and the girl stood by watching. Here is how she described the scene to her parents:
“There was this big fire, and a fireman ran into the house, and when he came out, he was pregnant.”
A man was sitting on his porch one afternoon when he noticed that his neighbor, a blonde, went out to her mailbox, opened it, and returned to her home empty handed.
About five minutes later, he saw the blonde again. She checked the mailbox and once again, returned to her house empty handed.
She did this two more times before the man decided to ask her about it. "Why do you keep coming out to your mailbox every five minutes?" the man asked.
"Because," replied the blonde, "my computer keeps telling me that I've got mail!"
Four leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink.
The president of “Budweiser” orders a Bud.
“Kingfisher” president orders a Kingfisher.
and the president of “Hayward’s” orders a hayward’s-10000.
When it is the president of “Knock out” turn to order, he orders a soda.
Why didn't you order a “Knock out” everyone asks?
Nah he replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I.
>NEVER MAKE YOURSELF A CIGARETTE,
>SO THAT PEOPLE PAY TO BUY YOU AND STAMP AND CRUSH YOU AFTER YOU ARE DONE..:!
>MAKE YOURSELF A DRUG LET THEM DIE TO GET YOU..!!
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor."You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis,
"You have a broken finger."
A little black boy goes into the kitchen where his momma is baking.
He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He looks at his momma and says, “Look, momma, I’m a white boy!”
His momma slaps him in the face and says, “Go show your daddy what y’all did!”
He walks downstairs to his daddy in the living room and says, “Look daddy, I’m a white boy!”
His daddy also slaps him in the face and says, “Go show yo’ grandma!”
The boy scoots over to his grandma’s room and says, “Look Grandma, I’m a white boy!”
Once again, he is slapped in the face, this time by his grandma. She tells the boy to go back to his momma.
Once he arrives downstairs, his momma says, “Well, did you learn anything from that?!”
The boy replied, “Sure enough did. I’ve only been white for 5 minutes and I already hate three black people!”
Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hai
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to
Husband ke hisse mein aate hain or
Wife Be-Gum ho jaati hai
