Best Divorce Letter!!!

Dear hubby:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.. I've
been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.

These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last
straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk dress.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your
games. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want anything
that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you
don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Wife
P.S. don't try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West
Virginia
together! Have a great life!

********

Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a
far cry from what you've been. I watch my games so much because they drown
out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice
when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was
'You look just like a boy!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything
if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my
favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I
stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk dress: I turned away
from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was
a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I
hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets
to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason,
I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born as
Carla(woman).........I hope that's not a problem.

 

 

 

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maths

A young man tutored his sweetheart maths,

he thought of it as his mission,

he kissed her once then once again and said

"There, that's addition!"

She took it upon herself to return the pleasant action,

she kissed once and once again,

smiled and said "and that's subtraction!"

Now she'd learned the basics without too much complication,

they kissed each other once, then twice,

and said "that must be multiplication!"

Meanwhile the young lady's father

had this 'lesson' in his vision,

he kicked that boy ten foot out the door and said

"Then that is long division!"

 

Ultimate Love Letter.

Ultimate Love Letter…

Awesome Letter …but d best part is signature...

(By a Programmer...  )

Sweetheart ,

I`ve seen you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and realized that you are the only site I was browsing for. For a long time I`ve been lonely; this has been the bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now.

My life is an uncompiled program without you, which never produces an executable code and hence is useless.

You are not only beautiful but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well.

Your smile is so delightful; it encourages me and gives me power equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.

When you looked at me last Sunday, I felt like all my program modules are running smoothly and giving expected results. /*which I never experienced before.*/

With this letter, I just want to convey to you that if we are linked together, I¡¯ll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for a human being to live an error free life.

Also don`t bother about the firewall which may be created by our parents as I¡¯ve strong hacking capabilities by which I`ll ultimately break their security passwords and make them agree for our marriage .

I anticipate that nobody has already logged in to your database so that my connect script will fail.
And its all but certain that if
this happened to me, my system will crash beyond recovery.

Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox. Error free...

Regards,
Software Programmer
Today This company
Tomorrow That Company
But always want ur   company!

 

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scream

A husband asks: Why do you weep and snuffle over a TV program and the imaginary sadness of people you have never met?

Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don’t know makes a touchdown.

 

 

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HELLO

HELLO My name is joy i am a girl i saw your email contact today and became interested in you. That we may find our selves being in love together as life partner. please if you will like to know more about me or see my picture send me email so that i will reply you with my picture and tell you more about my self. Finally pray that our good God should guide and protect you as you reply me .Thanks and remain bless. joy

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comfortable

Hoss rode into town to buy a bull. Unfortunately, when he bought it, he was left with one dollar.

 

Hoss needed to tell his wife to come with the truck and get the bull, but telegrams cost one dollar per word.

 

Hoss said to the telegram man,

 

"OK. I have my one word-'comfortable'.

 

" Why do you want to tell her that?” asked the telegram man.

 

"Oh, she's not the best reader," Hoss said.

 

"She'll read it really slowly". (Com-for-ta-ble, get it?)

 

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Addicted to the Internet

You Know you are Addicted to the Internet When... 

· You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened. 

· Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like. 

· All of your friends have an @ in their names. 

· Your dog has its own home page. 

· You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem. 

· You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. 

· You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse. 

· You get a new suit that says, "This best viewed with Netscape 4.01 or higher." 

· The last girl you asked out was only a jpeg. 

· Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat. 

 

 

less calories

A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store to help him buy groceries. In addition to the healthy items on his wife's carefully-prepared list, the two of them returned home with a package of sugar-filled cookies. "Why in the world did you buy those?" his wife asked. "You know they aren't good for you!"

"Oh, but don't worry, honey, these cookies have one-third less calories than usual in them," the husband replied.

The wife looked all over the package but couldn't find any claim to that fact, so she asked, "What makes you think that?"

"We ate about a third of the box on the way home."

 

how wrong he is

A young girl came home from a date looking sad. She told her mother, “Charles proposed to me a few minutes ago.”

“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.

“Because he also mentioned he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t believe there’s hell!”

Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”

 

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Get-substantially-higher-rankings

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Submit to 2700+ quality directories

Hi, My name is Michael, Do you really know what it takes to quickly  generate high-quality traffic to your Web Site? Listen up. I must let you in on a few insider *secrets*:  Instead of waiting months to generate sales on your  site, you can start gaining the hits you want right now.  Click here to visit our website.

 

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The REAL Way to Make Money

Dear Fellow Internet Marketer, Let's face it, making money on the internet can be a little bit confusing! There's no doubt that Google Adsense is a proven money maker, but getting content pages to put those ads on is probably the most difficult thing for any internet to do. You Can Now Run An Article Submission Site That Gets Other People To Submit Articles, Which Builds Thousands Of Google AdSense Revenue Generating Pages Without You Lifting A Finger Plus It Builds You An Email List At The Same Time! Click here to get Your own Article Directory Script

 

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Instantly boost your website's traffic

Hi there, My name is Michael Well, I've got great news for you. One day I had an idea. An amazing idea actually. What if you could drive 1000s of customers to your website from the major search-engines that are exclusively looking for your product/offer for free ? What about an instant number one ranking for your keywords, for free ?! Click here to visit our website

 

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make sure

The factory foreman inspected the shipment of crystal vases leaving the plant, and approached his new packer. He put his arm around the man’s shoulder and said,

“Well, Ole, I see you did what I asked. Stamped the top of each box, ‘This Side Up,

Handle With Care.’”

“Yes sir,” the worker replied. “And just to make sure, I stamped it on the bottom too.”

 

Wait a second

Wife:Wht iz ten years wid me?

Husband:A second.

Wife:Wht iz $1000 4 me?

Husband:A coin.

Wife: Ok give me a coin.

Husband:Wait a second

 

 

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Post your ads where people read them!

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Can I borrow

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most Unusual funeral procession A funeral coffin was followed by a second one About 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man Walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in Single line. The man couldn't stand his curiosity.

 

He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, And I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral Like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is It?"

 

The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."

 

"What happened to her?"

 

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

 

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?"

 

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."

 

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first One asks in excitement, "Can I borrow the dog?"

 

The man replied, "Join the queue."

 

 

you just missed

While Bill waited at the airport to board his plane, he noticed a computer scale that would give your weight and a fortune. He dropped a quarter in the slot, and the computer screen displayed: “You weigh 195 pounds, you are married and you’re on your way to San Diego.” Bill stood there dumbfounded.

Another man put in a quarter and the computer read: “You weigh 184 pounds, you’re divorced, and you’re on your way to Chicago.” Bill said to the man, “Are you divorced and on our way to Chicago?” “Yes.” Replied the man.

Bill was amazed. Then he rushed to the men’s room, changed his clothes and put on dark

glasses. He went to the machine again. The computer read: “You still weigh 195 pounds, you’re still married, and you just missed your plane to San Diego.

 

Funny Hyderabadi Poem

 

Itta Kaiko Yaad Aare Tum?

Haula Banake Ghumare Tum.

Kitte Din Hua Apne ko Mil ke....

Kaiko to bi Tadpaare Tum???

 

Koi Bahaana Karke Kabi Aa Jao Na...

Kahi tho bi Mil Lenge Apan,

Thoda Meri Takleef ka Khayal Karo....

Kaiko tho bi Tarsaare Tum???

 

Na Msg Bhejrai Naa Fone Uthare  Tum ....

Baahar Milne Ka Naam Tak Nai lere....

Tumaare Nakhre dekh k Lagra....

Hona Bolke Sataare Tum....

 

Meruku aur Phiraoo Nakko....

Dil ko aur Jalaoo Nakko.....

Khali Pili Draamee Karke....

Kya Taaree Zameen pe Dikhare tum.....

 

Kuch tho b bolke Ghar se Baahar Nikloo....

Time Place Phele confirm karloo....

yeh Thursday ku Plan Fix hai....

Kuch bhi nahi suntauoo....Bus Aaree Tum....

 

part time job

Hi there, My name is Michael I've made it my job to help people succeed online. I'm constantly on the lookout for the best ways  and means to make your job simpler, and I pass  the good stuff on to you. I have developed the eBay Cash Machine - it allows  everyone to make a great income on eBay 99%  automatically. It only takes a few minutes to set  up and once that is done you will have your own eBay  Businesses that literally run on auto-pilot! You just wait for the money to come in! Click here to get Your own eBay Cash Machine

 

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Who said car names don't have a meaning?

Who said car names don't have a meaning?

BMW              Brings Me Women FIAT                Failure in Italian Automotive Technology FORD              For Only Rough Drivers HYUNDAI        Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive....   VOLVO          Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object PORSCHE        Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything KIA                  Kills In Accidents OPEL              Old People Enjoying Life TOYOTA          The One You Only Trust, Always GOLF/GTI        Girls Only Love Fun / Get Them Inside HONDA            Hanged Over, Now Driving Away

 

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