Q: What did the first stoplight say to the second stoplight?
A: Don’t look I’m changing!!
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When is the moon heaviest?
When it is full
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A husband asks: Why do you weep and snuffle over a TV program and the imaginary sadness of people you have never met?
Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don’t know makes a touchdown.
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A little boy asked his dad for a dollar to give to a little old lady in the park. His father impress by his son’s kindness, gave him the dollar. “There you are my son,” said the father. “But, tell me, isn’t the little lady able to work any more? “She sells candy” was the boy’s reply.
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In
to different countries for a test.
In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves;
In UK , in 30 minutes it
caught 50 thieves;
in 30 minutes it caught 600 thieves;
was stolen.
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A man comes home from a night of drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife snaps at him, “what’s the big idea coming home half drunk?” The man replies, “I’m sorry, honey. I ran out of money.”
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A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered.
A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly,
"Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.
" The crowd made way for him.
Lying in front of the car was a donkey
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A patron at a restaurant was continually bothering the waiter about the air conditioning: first he would ask for the air conditioning to be turned up because it was too hot, then he would ask it be turned down because it was to cold, this went on for about a half an hour. To the surprise of the rest of the customers, the waiter was very patient, walking aback and forth and very pleasant. So finally a customer asked; why don’t you just throw out the pest? “Oh, I don’t care,” said the waiter with a grin, we don’t even have an air conditioner.”
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“Is your new horse well-behaved Charles?”
“Oh, yes Phil. When we come to a fence, he stops and lets me go over first.”
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Three lunatics attempting to escape from a mental hospital; the first one passes the guard, makes a sound of a cat, and continues. The second one does exactly the same, meowing like a cat, and gets out, too. The third then passes near the guard and yell, “I’m a cat, too!”
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Little Lalloo was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. '
Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?' he asked his mother.
'He thinks a lot,' replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
Or she was until little Lalloo thought for a second and asked,
'So why do you have so much hair?'
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I traveled almost all over the world
- Wow, you must know geography well.
- Oh yes I spent 2 months there..!
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A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!" he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"
"Oh my god", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex!"
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Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?
Dono ne kapde tyag diye,
ek ne desh ke liye,
doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!
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Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai
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Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai? (my favorite)
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Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere laakhoon
upaye fase huye hain.
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Generation Next Motto:
Na hum shaadi karenge,
na apne bachchon ko karne denge.
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What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!
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A newcomer in town goes to a bar, the bar manager notices he is new and says,"Sir, you're new, and when you're new, you have to drink a whole barrel of beer, then fix the crocodile's sore tooth, then, you give that nice lady right there a hug, or you can't come to this bar again!"
The newcomers says,"That's ridiculous!" And leaves the bar.
A couple minutes later, he comes back, he drinks the barrel of beer, then he goes into the backyard.
After a couple screams of bloody murder, screeches, crys of pain, the newcomer returns all bloody and bruised.
Then, he goes up to the manager and says,"Okay, where's the girl with the sore tooth?"
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