e-books for us
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Five star hotel's treatment
"What would you like to have; fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate,
"Tea, please."
"
"
"How would you like it? Black or white?"
"White."
"Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?"
"With milk, please."
"Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk?"
"With cow milk, please."
"Milk from
"Um, I'll take it black."
"Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
"With sugar, please."
"Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
"Cane sugar, please."
"White, brown or yellow sugar?"
"Forget about tea, just give me a glass of water instead."
"Mineral water or still water?"
"Mineral water, please."
"Flavored or non-flavored?"
"I'd rather die of thirst!"
Monday, July 28, 2008
sardarji............
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SANTA SING AND STUDENTS
Sardar Santa Singhji is the English teacher in a school. He is very well renowned for all his students do very well in exams. The school is having an inspection and the inspector decided to visit the English class. This is what transpires :
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MAI"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI"
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"
By this time the inspector is furious . He confronts the principal and shouts at him
"What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an English class and what he is saying is GADHA ,GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH. The principle too is shocked , Santa Singh the famous English teacher doing this. He immediately sends for Santa Singh.
Principal : " Santa singhji what nonsense are you telling these students, GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH".
Santa Singh : "Yes i was telling all this in class, but i was only teaching the students
the spellings of assassination.
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Ass-Ass-I-Nation
J
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Teache: " What is the chemical formula for water?
Santa: "HIJKLMNO! "!!
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Santa: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
Teacher: Santa, how do you spell "crocodile"?
Santa: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
Teacher: No, that's wrong
Santa: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
Teacher: Santa, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Santa: I is...
Teacher: No, Santa. Always say, "I am."
Santa: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Santa: "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
Santa: Daddy, have you ever been to
Father: No. Why do you ask that?
Santa: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Santa: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
Teacher: Now, Santa, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
Santa: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
Teacher: Santa, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as yourbrother's. Did you copy his?
Santa: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Why wedding dresses are white.....
Why wedding dresses are white.....
Son asked his mother the following question:
'Mum, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies,
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and TAKES him on a walkabout,
he shows him the fridge and asks him what is the colour, to which the son replies : ' WHITE '.
he does the same for the dishwasher,
the washing machine,
the stove, etc etc.
Then he tells the son:
'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
LUCKY SARDARJI
Aaj tak gets news
that 100 sardars are killed
in a train accident at
left alive.
The correspondent goes to him and asks the sardar ji.
> Correspondent: How did it happen?
Sardar: Oh ji pucho mat. Sab kuch sahi tha sab log
platform par khade gaadi ki wait kar rahe they.
Achanak announcement Hui ki shatabdee express 2 no.
platform par aa
rahi hai. Jaise hi sab ne
suna ki gaddi PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni jaan
bachane ke
liye patri par kood gaye.
Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi.
Correspondent : Thank god. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee.
Aap patri par nahin koode.
Sardar: o nahin ji main to suicide karne ki liye patri
par hi leta tha.
Jaise hi announcement hui main to platform par chad
Sunday, July 20, 2008
men could understand
; A man on his Harley was riding along a
suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the
Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I
will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a
bridge to
The Lord said,"Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for
that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of
the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly
exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me
to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and
think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand
women; I want to know how she feels, what she's thinking when she
gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she
says nothings wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Saturday, July 19, 2008
THE BRIDE OF 21ST CENTURY......
A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband's home in a
Traditional manner
She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:
"My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and
family", she said. "Firstly, With my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences
by my being here. I mean that I do not want you all to change your way of life, your routine."
"What do you mean my child?" asked the patriarch of the family.
What I mean dad is:
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.
As for me, I am here just to entertain your son!
This is called bride from 21st Century!!!!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Jokes from ...... ' Chandamama'
M for Magnet
Miss Monica was teaching science to her student. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Question time came, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"
A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"
Be back next week
Anu, a little girl, was looking at the yellow ripe mangoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll give you two rupees for that mango," said the girl pointing to a large, ripe fruit.
"No," said the farmer, "I can get Rs 10/- for a mango like that one."
The girl pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two rupees for that one?"
"Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for a rupee."
"Okay," said the girl, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."
Foot in the mouth
A three-year-old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot.
She said, Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet.
He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, don’t kid me, Mom. They’re the only feet I got!?
Too clever by half
A guy says to his friend, Guess how many coins I have in my pocket?
The friend says, If I guess right, will you give me one of them??
The first guy says, if you guess right, I’ll give you both of them!?
Q & A
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single line which simply said: Is this a question?? - Discuss.
After a short time he wrote: If that is a question, then this is an answer.
The student received an ?A? for the exam
Fatal direction
Woman (in the middle of the road): Can you tell me how to go to
Policeman: Just stand where you are!!!
A quick retort
Well-dressed man to beggar ? ?Aren?t you ashamed to beg in the street like this??
Beggar ? ?Do you expect me to open an office for begging??
Literally speaking
Little boy standing near his fat father, is asked by father’s friend: And what are you going to do when you’re as big as your father??
Little boy: Join a fitness programme.?
Just in jest
Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha (Where
Train mein TT Sadhu se bola (TT asked Sadhu): Kahan jana hai (Where do you want to go)?
Sadhu : Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha (Where Ram was born).
TT : Ticket hai (Do you have the ticket)?
Sadhu : Nahin (No)
TT : Chalo (Come)
Sadhu : Kahan (Where)?
TT : Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein (Where Krishan was born...Jail)
Christmas wish!
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
?I pray for a new bicycle!?
?I pray for a new Nintendo!?
?I pray for a new VCR!?
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, ?Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn?t deaf.?
To which the little brother replied, ?No, but Grandma is!?
Where is God?
Two brothers, about 8 and 10 years old, were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it usually turned out they had a hand in it.
Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them, so hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.
The father replied, "Sure, do that before I whack them!"
The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.
The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.
Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?"
The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief.
He finally said, "We are in BIIIIG trouble."
The older boy asked, "What do you mean, BIIIIG trouble?"
His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it!"
Riddles
1. Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?
She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.
2. Why are Saturday and Sunday strong days?
Because they are not weekdays!
3. How do you cut the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw!
4. Why do cows have bells?
Because their horns don't work!
5. Why was the crab sent to prison?
Because he kept pinching things!
Monday, July 14, 2008
ended up with a virus
A Kid asks: 'Daddy? How did I come into this world?
The Daddy Answered: ' Well, my child, someday I'll have
To tell you any way,
The Kid asked again: 'So why not today?' The Dad
Respond: Please, listen carefully:
Mom and Dad met each other in an internet café. In the Bathroom of that café, dad connected to mom.
Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick.
When dad finished uploading we discovered we didn't use any firewall.
Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
an award winning joke
A man walks into a bar in London and ordered 3-glasses of beer
and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in
turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the
glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."
The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember
the days when we drank together.
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn.
One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars
notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,"
I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere
condolences on your great loss. "
The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs .... "Oh, no,"
he, said, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive" .
" The only thing is
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I just quit drinking!!!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
'The Obedient Wife'
There was a man, who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money,
And was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife...'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.
I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died. L
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
'Wait just a moment!'
She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down
and they rolled it away.
So her friend said,
'Girl, I know you were not foolish
enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'
The loyal wife replied,
'Listen, I'm a Christian;
I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.'
You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?'
'I sure did,' said the wife.
'I got it all together, put it into my account,
and wrote him a check....
If he can cash it,
then he can spend it.'
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Why specialist get paid more..!
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car
when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing
off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a
look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come
over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked
argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take
valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will
work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me
is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.... .
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He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running".
The difference between men talking and women talking..
TWO WOMEN TALKING:
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Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I
Mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to
Take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, and see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
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NOW TWO MEN TALKING
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Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah
sardarji jokes collection.....4
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know
Why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
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Ultimate answer while changing a job.
Interviewer: Why did you change your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.
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How did Santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
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Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he
hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else? .
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An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!
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Santa and Banta went for a drive.
Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"
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Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
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Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
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Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The steering, dash board,
gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
