WHAT WOULD HAPPEN

There was a meeting of all the Sardar freedom fighters. They were planning for a free Punjab.
 
Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a tough one indeed.
 
Banta Singh had a brainwave... "No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then we would become a State of USA and develop automatically."
 
All the sardars became happy with this very simple solution but an old sardar was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
 
The old sardar replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL... WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"

kya karoge ?

 
Teacher: Tum bade hokar kya karoge ?
Student: shaadi..!!!!!!

Teacher: nahi,mera matlab hai kya banoge?
Student: dulha.!!!!!!!!!!!

Teacher: oh,i mean bade hokar kya hasil karoge?
Student: dulhan

Teacher: IDIOTmera matlab bade ho kar mummy papa k liye kya karoge?
Student- bahu launga

Teacher: stupid tumare papa tumse kya chahte hai?
Student: pota

Teacher: he bhagwan, tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai?

Student: hum do humare do, jab tak teeasra nahi ho...!!!!!!......

 

 

 

 

Dumbest kid

 

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
 
The barber puts a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other,

then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
 
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
 
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar?"
 
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

 

 

An Egyptian Interview

An Egyptian Interview

Reporter: Hi
Egyptian: Hello

Reporter: Do u speak English
Egyptian: Berfect

Reporter: Do u mind if I interview u
Egyptian: No, I don't have a mind

Reporter: What's your name?
Egyptian: Taha

Reporter: Sex?
Taha: I love it

Reporter: oh no, I meant male or female?
Taha (yelling): what do u sink?

Reporter: it's just for the sake of the report. Never mind...male....
Taha: No.. I like female

Reporte r: How do u find life here in Egypt ?
Taha: Egybt..Very nice cantry..nice wezar..nice food..byramidz

Reporter : Oh well..beside the weather and the pyramids..what else do u like in ur country?
Taha: Byramids, nice wezar, nice food

Reporter: DO YOU WORK?
Taha: Yas, when I am not buzy..

Reporter: What do u think about the traffic problem in Egypt ?
Taha : Very big broblem..very much cars..u see?..but za guvurment is trying to make it bettar..zey did za circle street and za mehwar street..and zey make all streets one way so if u go..u cant come back!!!

Reporter: What about the economic problems in Egypt ?
Taha: I do not undurztand what u say

Reporter: I mean..how do u deal with money problems in egypt ?
Taha : Egypt very rich cantry...we have alot of cotton..alot of water..and we have byramidz

Reporter: So do u make a lot of money?
Taha : No no.. it is not legal to make money..one frend I know make money at home..and he go to brizon..if u make money at home.. you will go to brizon

Reporter : let me rephrase..since Egypt is a rich country.. do u have a lot of money?
Taha: me? ...Not a lot…..but I eat and drink Alhamdulelah?

Reporter: Then where does all the money go?
Taha: Guvurment

Reporter: And what does the government do with the money?
Taha : Zey Build circle street, mehwar street and make all streets one way

Reporter: well , Ok...Do u vote?
Taha: What duz zat mean?

Reporter: Do u choose your president
Taha: Who, Mubarak?

Reporter: yes
Taha (nervously) : I didn't give my voice..But if I was. I will give him my voice

Reporter: Why him?
Taha : Because he was an airoplane in za war..he waz za leadar airoplane

Reporter: But there r no wars right now
Taha : But if we have war..u see?...we know we will have a very good airoplane in it

Reporter: what about the last 26 years?
Taha: I got marry..and have Ahmed an d Amira..and……….

Reporter: No, I meant Mubarak.

Taha: He also marry… and have…

Reporter (interrupting): No, I meant what did Mubarak do for Egypt in the last 26 years
Taha: He build circle street, mehwar street and make all streets one way

Reporter: Thank you very much for ur time Mr. Taha
Taha: No broblem, only 10 bounds

Reporter: I never said i will pay u for this
Taha : ok ok…. Zanks a lot.

 

dumbest kid

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
 
The barber puts a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other,

then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
 
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
 
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar?"
 
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

 

 

pregnant wife

Husband wanted to call the hospital
to ask about his pregnant wife,
but accidently called the cricket stadium.

He asks, “How’s the situation?”

He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply.

They said, “It’s fine. 3 are out,
hope to get another 7 out by lunch,
last one was a duck!”.

 

 

IF GOD GOES HIGH TECH

>
>  If god's go hi tech..!
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>  
>
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> Techie God :Someone has a good imagination,  
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> I  Hope you like it...............................
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>
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> Over the past several years, we have all learned to live with IVRS - 'Inter-active Voice Response System' as a necessary part of modern life. I was just wondering what would happen if God decides to go hi-tech and installs voicemail? I gave it a lot of thought and came up with various scenarios:
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> Let us imagine a scenario. You dialled God's number.
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> 'Hi! Thank you for calling God. Please select one of the following:
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> If you are Christian, dial 1
> All Hindus, dial 2
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> All Muslims, dial 3
> All others, dial 0.'
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> So, lets say you are a Hindu and you dialled 2. Here is what you hear:
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> Press 1 for Requests
> Press 2 for Thank you messages for God
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> Press 3 for Complaints about unfulfilled promises
> Press 4 for All other inquiries.
> If your prayers are still not answered, dial '0' and ask for Naradmuni.'
>
>
> Or, if all Gods were busy, you might hear this:
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> 'We are sorry, all our Gods are busy helping other Bhaktas and Sinners. However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received. Please stay on line. One of the Gods will be with you soon.'
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> Or, it could even go this way when you start praying:
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> 'If you know your God's extension, dial it now.'
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> Or, you might hear this:
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> 'If you would like to speak to Ganeshji, Press 1.
> For Lord Hanuman, Press 2.
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> For Lord Krishna, Press 3.
> To confess your sins, press 4.
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> To ask for favours, Press 5.'
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> Or, you might even hear this:
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> 'You have reached Lord Krishna's extension. I am going to be away to conduct a special yuddha to save the humanity and will be away until the year 2012. If this is something urgent and cannot wait until then, call Shankara at GB +44  779000020000  Call. If you want to speak to someone else, for other gods' directory, Press 6 now.'
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> Or you might even hear something like this if you call toward the end of your life cycle:
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> 'If you think you have reservations at our Heavenly Resort, please provide your name, social security number and be ready to provide the proof of your eligibility. If you do not have the proof of eligibility, please dial 420-HELL and ask for General Manager Ravana, who will be happy to help you.'
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> Or, depending on the purpose of your call, you might hear this:
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> 'If you are calling to find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press  5, enter his or her 'mantra' number, then press the 0 key. If you get a negative response, try area code 420-HELL.'
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> For all you know in this day and age of quotas and all, you might even get a response like this:
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> 'Our computer records show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.'
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> Or you might even here this if you call on the wrong day:
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> 'This Main Office of Heaven is closed for DIWALI holidays. If this is an emergency, you may try our Himalayan Retreat in the mean time by dialling 6000-31,000.'
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> So, let us hope and pray that God never learns about computers -
> because if he does, we are in BIG trouble!
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>