yesterday once more

Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together.

They made a decision, one day to make it "yesterday once more".

They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.

 

The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. In the morning, dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise, waited there for his sweetheart to come. But grandpa ended in disappointment grandma never showed up even after sunset.

Grandpa went home in such anger. He opened the door, seeing grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow. He threw the flowers on the floor and questioned: "Why didn't you come to our date?"

 
Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly: "Mom didn't allow me to go..."

 

peanuts!!!

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors
down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts,  

which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder

again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.  

She repeats this gesture about five more times.


When she is about to hand him another batch again

he asks the little old lady,

" why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.


The puzzled driver asks,

"Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied,  

"We just love the chocolate around them." 

Bling horse

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

 

Application Form

Application Form for Politicians

Application Form To Be Filled For Contesting Indian Elections

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

 1. Name of Candidate : _______________________

 2. Present Address

 (i) Name of Jail : _______________________

 (ii) Cell Number : _______________________

 3. Political Party : _______________________

 (List ONLY the Last Five parties in the Chronological (Order)

 4. Sex: [ ]

 A - Male

 B - Female

 C - Mayawati

 5. Nationality: [ ]

 A - Italian

 B - Indian

 6. Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)

 A - Defected

 B - Expelled

 C - Bought out

 D - None of above

 E - All of above

 7. Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)

 A - To make money

 B - To escape court trial

 C - To grossly misuse power

 D - To serve the public

 E - I have no clue

 (if you choose "D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a Recognized 

 Government Psychiatrist)

 8. How many years of public service experience do you possess?

 A - 1-2 yrs

 B - 2-6yrs

 C - 6-15yrs

 D - 15+yrs

 9. Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as 

 many 

 Additional Sheets as you want)

 10. How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ]

 (Do not confuse with question 8)

 A - 1-2 years

 B - 2-6 years

 C - 6-15 years

 D - 15+years

 11. Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]

 A - Why not

 B - Of Course

 C - Definitely

 D - I deny it all

 E - I see a foreign hand.

 12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]

 A - 100-500 Crores

 B - 500-1000 Crores

 C - Overflow...

 (Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)

 13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ]

 A - No

 B - No

 C - No

 D - No

 14. Describe your achievements in space provided: [_________]

 Thumb Impression of candidate

 (Not that of the person who filled the form)

Some Humors

 

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
        Dr: Get married.
        Man: Will it help?
        Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
       Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

mango

Anju, a little girl, was looking at the yellow ripe mangoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll give you two rupees for that mango," said the girl pointing to a large, ripe fruit.

"No," said the farmer, "I can get Rs 10/- for a mango like that one."

The girl pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two rupees for that one?"

"Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for a rupee."

"Okay," said the girl, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."