Pathan names born in different situations:

Born in Jungle ..........Sher Khan

Born in summer ------- Sharbat Khan

Born during war ------- Barood Khan

Born near ocean ------- Samunder Khan

Born with abnormal features ------- Ajab Khan

Born premature ------- Masti Khan

Born near garden ------- Gul Khan

Born in anger ------- Ghazab Khan

Born in horror ------- Haibat Khan

Born funny ------- Nadia Khan

Born After Suicide Bom ------- Bhadur Khan

Born with talent but no brain ------- Shahid Khan Afridi

Born with Proud of Pakistan---- ---- Abdul Qadir Khan

Born in Pervaiz Musharaf Government ------ Bardasht Khan

Born in Zardari Government -------- Badmaash Khan

 

 

Personal invitation from sv swamy soma

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E-mail sent 3/27/2009 11:04:58 PM, by sv swamy soma:

Personal invitation from sv swamy soma

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sv swamy soma UNYK : HFV 067

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santa and banta again

Two drunks, Santa and Banta, enter a hotel late at night. They approach the clerk, and Santa says, "Could you pleash give ush a bed with two rooms?"

"You mean a room with two beds?" asks the clerk.

"Whatever, whatever you shay."

So they get a key and somehow manage to stumble upstairs to their room. After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open. As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fall on the bed closest to the door.

"Ahh," says Santa, "Now we can get some sleep at last."

As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed. "Hey! There's somebody in my bed!" says Banta.

"There's somebody in my bed too!" says Santa.

"Let's get rid of them. We paid for this room and we're going to sleep in the beds!" says Banta.

They start a tremendous struggle. They heave and push until eventually Santa throws Banta on the floor.

“ALL RIGHT!!" Santa shouts, "I've thrown mine off the bed."

"You're lucky," says Banta, "I got thrown off and I'm too tired to fight any more."

"Well, never mind," says Santa, "Why don't you just come and share my bed. Let's get some sleep round here."

 

what is the meaning

A pathan to his Friend:

What are You Doing?

Pathan: i am recording my 1 year old son speech.

Friend:. Why?

Pathan: . When he will be old i will asked him the meaning.

 

 

intelliGent reply

 

A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.

My Dearest Tina,

Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options

(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.

----------------------------------------------------
(1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:

(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?

----------------------------------------------------
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:

(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile


----------------------------------------------------
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:

(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

----------------------------------------------------
4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:

(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know

----------------------------------------------------
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:

(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know

----------------------------------------------------
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...

(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

----------------------------------------------------
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:

(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

----------------------------------------------------
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:

(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

----------------------------------------------------
9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:

(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.

----------------------------------------------------

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.

If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.

Eagerly awaiting your reply..

Love , Roby

----------------------------------------------------

Tina's reply letter was also in Q/A format ........


Roby ,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

----------------------------------------------------

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.

(a) Yes (b) No

----------------------------------------------------
2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?

(a) Yes (b) No

----------------------------------------------------
3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?

(a) Yes (b) No

----------------------------------------------------
4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.

You poked your nose inside..... Right ?

(a) Yes (b) No

----------------------------------------------------
5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?

(a) Yes (b) No

----------------------------------------------------
6) Should I not wait for my best friend ( Anjali ) at the bus stand?

(a) Yes (b) No

----------------------------------------------------
7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?

(a) Yes (b) No

----------------------------------------------------
8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?

(a) Yes (b) No

----------------------------------------------------
9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple . Do you know ?

(a) Yes (b) No

If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.

Hope everything is clear to you .  

 

Sardar and Mileage

A sardar from Delhi had an old car which had run for over a 1,00,000 kilometers. He wanted to sell it, but was not getting a good price because of its excess mileage.

 

He approached a Madrasi friend of his and asked for help.

 

The Madrasi gave him an address in Chennai (Madras) and asked him to visit a mechanic there. The mechanic would adjust the meter so that it shows only 30,000 kilometers.

 

The sardar thanked him and left for Madras.

For a few days, the Madrasi didn't see the sardar. He assumed that the sardar would have sold the car.

 

A few weeks later, the sardar came to see the Madrasi in the same car. The Madrasi was surprised and asked –

"What happened? Why have you not sold your car yet?"

 

The sardar replied - "Why should I? It has run for only 30,000 kilometers."

Operation......

Five surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.
The first surgeon says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table
because when open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians!
 Everything inside them is colors-coded."

The third surgeon says: "No, I really think librarians are the best;
Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know I like engineers;
Those guys always understand if you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine.
Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable."

what is the mouse doing

A: I'm in a big trouble!

B: Why is that?

A: I saw a mouse in my house!

B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.

A: I don't have one.

B: Well then, buy one.

A: Can't afford one.

B: I can give you mine if you want.

A: That sounds good.

B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.

A: I don't have any cheese.

B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.

A: I don't have oil.

B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.

A: I don't have bread.

B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!

 

funny boy

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.

Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon."

Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench.

The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh .. I know what you've been doing."

 

identity

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.

 

When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.

 

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.

 

The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit.

 

After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"

 

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake.

 

After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"

 

 

Sardarji - Strikes Again

 

*******************************************************************
Que: - What is the height of stupidity?
Ans: - 2 sardarjis sitting on a motorcycle & fighting for a window seat

*********************************************************************

once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and
says "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,
Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
*********************************************************************

A Sardar had called an Englishman for lunch. There was
curd on the table. The guest asked what is this? The
Sardar didn't know proper English, he said "Milk
sleeping in night, morning becomes tight"

*********************************************************************

Sardar1: - Marte Waqt Aadmi Ko Kya Dena Chahiye?
Sardar2: -Birla cement
Sardar1: -Kyun?
Sardar2: - Kyunki Is Cement Mein Jaan Hain

*********************************************************************

Did you hear about the sardarji who is so rich he has
two swimming pools, one of which is always empty?
It is for people who can't swim!

*********************************************************************

Sardarji calls Air India. 'How long does it take to
fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant.
'Thank you.' says the Sardarji and hangs up.

*********************************************************************

Once Santa Singh was riding a cycle and he suddenly
hit a girl!
So girl shouted, 'Sala Break nahi maar sakta tha!!!'
And sardarji replied, 'Poori cycle to maar di ab
break kya alag se maroon??????????????????? ‘

*********************************************************************
Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him. 'Ek
Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front. He was
given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' the second man
asked and was handed a ticket. Then came the turn of
Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!' 'What do u mean
by Punjab female?' asked the clerk. 'It is for my
wife' replied Banta Singh.

the broken car

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a software engineer are travelling in an old Fiat 500 (Bambino) when all of the sudden the car backfires and comes to a halt.

The mechanical engineer says "Ah! It's probably a problem with the valves, or the piston!".

The electrical engineer says "Nonsense! It's most probably a problem with the spark plugs or the battery!".

The software engineer says "How about we all get out of the car, and get back in again".

[an error occurred while processing this directive]

 

alcoho

A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.

"Now," he said,” what do you learn from this?"

An eager student gave his answer.

"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."

 

All Bachelors and the Blessed ones (Married)for u 2 learn

 

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment. 
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence(and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM" He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight.  Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

 

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws"

 

WOMEN'S REVENGE
  "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
  "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
 and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

W O R D S
  A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
    The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
 you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says
.........."HEBREWS"
 

God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

 

 

 

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Women - they think of everything!!!

An old man and woman were married for many years, even
though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,
screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way
up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the
rest of your life!'

Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black
magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took
place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that
he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart
attack when he was 98.

After the burial:
She went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if
there was no tomorrow.   Her neighbors, concerned for her
 safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he may indeed
be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back
to haunt you for the rest of your life?'

The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I
had him buried upside down.'

Women - they think of everything!!!

Enjoy!!!

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the
ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog
in a trap.

The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I
will grant you three wishes.'
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!' The woman
said, 'That's okay.'

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock to'.
The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.'
So, KAZAM-
she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she
wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, 'That will make
your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than
you. '
The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine.'
So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!

The
frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like to have a
mild heart attack.'

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't
mess with them.

Attention
female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue
feeling good!

Male readers: Please scroll down.































































The man had a heart attack ten times
'milder' than his wife!!!

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart .

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

ENJOY....................

stolen mangoes taste better

A bulky boy went to a mango grove with his friends to steal mangoes, because they were convinced that stolen mangoes taste better. All of a sudden, the watchman came out of blue chasing the boys with a rod. Everybody ran helter skelter except our hero as he could not run carrying his own weight. Result: He was caught.

 

The watchman asked the boy to take him to his father. The boy was trembling and said "No". The watchman asked him to take him to his house but the boy again refused. Then finally, the watchman asked him to show his father atleast from a distance. The boy agreed and showed his father who was plucking mangoes on the next tree.

 

nice!

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

 The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold
the apple for ten cents.

 The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.

 Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

 

boaring joke

I joined a new office. The Branch Manager told a few boring jokes but to my surprise, all my colleagues laughed.

 

After coming out of the cabin, I pulled out my colleague and asked him as to why they were laughing for useless jokes. He replied, "If you don't laugh, he will think that we have not understood the joke and repeat the same joke again and again!"

 

essay on Cow

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this. This is a true essay written by a CSS candidate at the CSS Exam held in year 2002-2003 in Islamabad.

The candidate has written an essay on Cow:

                                         Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed. And because he is female, he gives milks, [but will do so when he is got child.]. He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [horses dont have any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, water mans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species. Also his other motion[gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes [like Pizza], in hand, and drying in the sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards he chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child.

This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side.

This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it. The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow........