a love offer by a HR manager

To,
Ms. X
7.0 S.M

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms X,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 20th of October (Thursday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 19th of Oct. at 1500hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
HR Manager

 

positive employment experience

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:

All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra gets none.

DRESS CODE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

-- Management

 

 

SMS

Banta : Oye to har SMS ko do baar kyom bhej raha hai ?

Santa : Kyunki tujhe agar ek forward karna ho to dusra tere paas rahe !!!

 

 

reply

Teeth said 2 Tongue

 

" If I just press u little hard, you will get cut.

 

Tongue replied:

 

"If I misuse 1 word against some1, then all the 32 of u will come out at once”

 

 

 

don't you have

A small boy opens the door and looks at his sister's boy friend and asks innocently

 

"Every day you come to meet my   sister , don't you have your own sister"

 

 

 

 

HA AHA HAHAHA

 

 

 During a travel on board a ship, an American, Japanese, an Emirati and a
Keralite had the opportunity to get introduced to each other.
During conversation between them, they were trying to talk about their
countries.

All of a sudden, the American dropped some weapons in the sea.
Seeing this, the others asked him, 'what are you doing? Dropping weapons in the sea?' The American simply replied, 'that is OK. We have a lot of these in our country'. The others understood that the American was boasting.

The Japanese also did not want to fail. He took many electronic items and
dropped it in the sea and told 'we have a lot of these in our country'.

The Keralite also wanted to show something. He dropped some coconuts in the sea and told, 'we have a lot of these in our country'.

Seeing all these, the Emirati was confused, he thought that everybody showed off and what would he show? He thought for a while and took the Keralite and dropped him in
the sea !!!  The American and Japanese stared stunningly at the Emirati.
The Emirati told very coolly, 'we have a lot of these in our country" !!!!