STOCK MARKET

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs 10.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at Rs 10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

 

He further announced that he would now buy at Rs 20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

 

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs 25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch one.

 

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs 50.

However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

 

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers.

 

Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs 50.

 

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only many monkeys everywhere !

 

That is the “Stock” Market

 

cooking

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking,

 

their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

 

“I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do anything with it.”

 

 “Too much fancy work in it, eh?” asked the other.

 

“You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way – Take a clean dish.”

 

 

spending a lot less

A man receives a call from his Credit Card Company, “Sir, we have detected an unusual pattern of spending on your card, and we are calling to see if everything is alright.”

“Yes,” replied the man. “My card was stolen over a month ago.” “Why didn’t you report your card as stolen?” asked the card company representative. The man replied, “Well, whoever stole my card is spending a lot less than my wife!”

 

invitation

"Whom would you like to invite for your upcoming wedding ceremony?" Father asked his son

"All except you and mom" the Son replied

"But why" Father angrily shouted

"Had you bothered to invite me for your ceremony!" the Son pleaded.

 

he didn't come to see me

A politician was walking home from the county courthouse the evening of Election Day when he came upon a young boy sitting on the curb, bawling his eyes out.

"Why are you crying?" the politician asked.

"My dad died," the boy replied.

"That's terrible, when did it happen?"

"Five years ago," the boy said.

"Five years ago? And you are still this upset?"

"It's not that," the boy said. "It's just that my dad voted today, but he didn't come to see me."

 

MUNNA-BHAI-JOKES-SMS

 

 

CIRCUIT: Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai? SHORT CIRCUIT: Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehla hai. MUNNA BHAI: Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha. MAMU: Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya? MUNNA BHAI: Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai. CIRCUIT: Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya? MAMU: Nehin. CIRCUIT: To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega. MUNNA BHAI: Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai? CIRCUIT: Bhai, gaadi hai. MUNNA BHAI: Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai? CIRCUIT: Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi. PROFESSOR: Akal bari ki bhains? MUNNA BHAI: Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu. MAMU: Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya? GIRL:Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol para?   Love Aur Arrange Marriage Main Kya Faraq Hai? Love Marriage Main Aap Apni Girlfriend Se Shadi Kartay Hain.Aur Arrange Marriage Main Kisi Aur Ki Girlfriend Se. :-)….

 

I thought u really LOVE me

Girl:- I LOVE U.

Boy:- Me Too.

Girl:- How Much?

Boy:- As much As U do.

Girl:- “YOU CHEATER!”

I thought u really LOVE me.

 

 

 

Give me blood

Three vampires walk into a bar. The bartender looks at him suspiciously, but decides to serve them anyway. "What’ll be, boys"

The first vampire says "Blood. Give me blood."

The second vampire says "I too wish for blood!"

The third vampire says "Give me plasma."

The Bartender smiles and says "Got it. Two bloods, and a blood-light."

joke......???????

They say that married men live longest. It's ironic, since they're the ones most willing to die.

 

too long...

After the telephone was installed in her home, the lady called the operator.

“My telephone cord is too long,” she said. “Would you please pull it a little from your end?”

 

difference

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a cat?

A: One is an arrogant creature that will claw you out of house and money, and the other is a cat.

 

 

pay attention

The teacher says, “I wish you’d pay a little attention Mary.”

“I am paying as little as I can Mrs. Bell,” said Mary.

 

taste funny

Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

A: Because they taste funny