e-books for us
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
pack of Cards
Men are like a pack of Cards:
A "heart" to love them
A "diamond" to marry them
A "club" to smack them and
A "spade" to bury the body...
Monday, December 27, 2010
Mallu rocks..........................
1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
2) Where did the Malayali study?
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen
8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
Everewere, in a Temble, Charch and a Maask
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because +86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the loongi
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
"Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders, We Are Yevery Where"
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.
18) Now share it with 5 Mals to get a free sample of
Sunday, December 26, 2010
gullu dada
gullu dada sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:
Dear Mr. gullu
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.
gullu dada jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference:
“Bhaiyo aur unki Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mereku Amreeca mein naukri mil gayee hai.”
Everyone was delighted. gullu continued: “Ab my aap sab ko apnaa Appointment Letter padkar sunaunga? Par letter angreeze main hai - Isliyen saath-saath Hindi main tarjuma bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. gullu dada >> Pyare gullu dada
You do not meet >> Aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement >> Humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any further correspondence >> Ab Letter vetter bhejne ki koi zaroorat nahee.
No phone call >> Phone bi nakko karo
shall be entertained >> Bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks >> Aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya.
Bill Gates. >> tumhara bill gates
Saturday, December 25, 2010
where are YOU going to get a lawyer?
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer,
"So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Equations
Equation 3
Woman= eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Woman = Donkey + spend
Woman - spend = Donkey
In other words,
Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey
++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Man who doesn't earn money = Woman who doesn't spend
So Man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!
And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!
So, We have:
Man + Woman = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money
Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together
Monday, December 20, 2010
coded message
After numerous rounds of “We don’t know if Osama is still alive”, Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H.
Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help Within a few seconds the Marines cabled back with this reply: “Tell Kennedy he’s holding the message upside down.”
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Wedding Cake
A Doctor at a health conference said
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be destructive, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
After several seconds of silence, a 70-year-old man sitting in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,
“Wedding Cake.”
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Sardar
Sardar says. Doctor, I see double!
Sit on the chair please the doctor says.
Which one? Sardar replied.
COMPLETE & FINISHED
Do you know the difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED ?
What do you think ??
When you marry the right one, you are "COMPLETE"....
And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED".....
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are...
*COMPLETELY FINISHED *
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
courage
Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend
“U r my Best Friend”
But
Do u have courage tell to ur Wife
“U r my Best Wife?”
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Make $25 in 15 minutes with surveys
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Monday, December 13, 2010
Sardarji
A Sardar, his wife with son and daugher went to a party he introduced his family to his friends saying..
" I am Sardar.. and this is Sardarnee...this is my kid and that is my kidney...!!"
****************
American says " US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
Sardarji " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
****************
Sardar found answer to most difficult question ever….
What comes first –
the chicken or the egg ?
Oye yaar, jiska order pahele dooge, wo ayega !!!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
game
A poet and a scientist were traveling together on a plane. The scientist was bored and said to the poet, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $5."
The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.
The scientist, who was really bored, tried again. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50."
The poet agreed. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the exact distance between the Earth and the Moon?"
The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist.
The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's your turn."
The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "All right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?"
The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia. As the plane was landing the scientist gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill.
The poet accepted it graciously, getting ready to stand up. "Wait!" the scientist shouted, "you can't do this to me! What's the answer?"
The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into his hand.
Teacher & Student
Teacher: What is the full form of maths.
Student: Mentally affected teachers harassing students.
*************
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.
Student: No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Student: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
*************
Teacher: How old is your father.
Student: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Student: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)
lost wife
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
"You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
Can you afford to lose 300,000 potential customers per year ?
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Friday, December 10, 2010
How would you like 2 Million Sites linking to your ad ?
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Wednesday, December 8, 2010
two questions
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word
part time job
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Tuesday, December 7, 2010
master stupidity
Common man: Computers can never replace humans.
Scientist: How can you say with confidently?
Common man :They may become capable of artificial intelligence, but they will never master real stupidity.
Rajnikant
Newton: How to write 4, in between 5?
China :Joke..
America :Question is wrong.
Pak: If you ask foolish question, I will kill you,
UK: Not found on net.
From India "Rajnikant" : "F(IV)E"..
Monday, December 6, 2010
differenc
What is the difference between the raining in the US and in India?
Hmmmmmm. … what’s it?
When it rains in the US, the water will disappear after five minutes; and in India, roads will disappear.
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Sunday, December 5, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Lie Clock
Rabri Devi went to hell (Don't Laugh).
As she stood in front of Yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh,"said Rabri,
"Who's clock is that?"
That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie.
"And whose clock is that?"
That's Abraham Lincoln's clock.
The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."
Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"
Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied Yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan".
Current Award Reference code: **********009
Google 11th Anniversary Presentation Centre,
Asia branch office. Nongbon, Pravet,
Bangkok, 25530. Thailand.
REF: CONGRATULATIONS !!! DEAR LUCKY WINNER !
Your email address has been selected as one of the lucky winners in the second batch of the on going Google 11 Anniversary Award as organized by Google Asia branch office in Bangkok, Thailand. Therefore, you have been awarded the sum of Five Hundred Thousand United states Dollars ($500,000.00USD) only.
Kindly visit http://google-management.web.officelive.com for more details.
This promotion was set-up to encourage the active usage of the Internet Google Chrome®. Hence we do believe that with your winning prize, you will continue to be active and patronage to the Internet Google Chrome®.
Award Reference code:GOOGLE568A009
File number:G245
To claim your winning prize kindly contacts our office with below details ASAP:
==============================================================
Dr. Patnam Amorn (Funds Transfer Manager)
E-Mail: patnam.amorn_ftm@accountant.com,
ftm.patnam.amorn@googlemail.com
Tel: +66-897-822690
==============================================================
VERIFICATION AND FUNDS RELEASE FORM. (ASAP)
==============================================================
(1) Your Full Names:
(2) Your Tel/Mobile Number:
(3) Your Nationality:
(4) Current Country:
(5) Your contact Address:
(6) Occupation:
==============================================================
Once again: CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Regards,
Google Management.
Asia Branch,
Bangkok, Thailand.
Start earning 15 minutes from now
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Thursday, December 2, 2010
Award Reference code: **********009
Google 11th Anniversary Presentation Centre,
Asia branch office. Nongbon, Pravet,
Bangkok, 25530. Thailand.
REF: CONGRATULATIONS !!! DEAR LUCKY WINNER !
Your email address has been selected as one of the lucky winners in the second batch of the on going Google 11 Anniversary Award as organized by Google Asia branch office in Bangkok, Thailand. Therefore, you have been awarded the sum of Five Hundred Thousand United states Dollars ($500,000.00USD) only.
Kindly visit www.google-thai-management.web.officelive.com for more details.
This promotion was set-up to encourage the active usage of the Internet Google Chrome®. Hence we do believe that with your winning prize, you will continue to be active and patronage to the Internet Google Chrome®.
Award Reference code:GOOGLE568A009
File number:G245
To claim your winning prize kindly contacts our office with below details ASAP:
==============================================================
Dr. Patnam Amorn (Funds Transfer Manager)
E-Mail: patnam.amorn_ftm@accountant.com,
ftm.patnam.amorn@googlemail.com
Tel: +66-897-822690
==============================================================
VERIFICATION AND FUNDS RELEASE FORM. (ASAP)
==============================================================
(1) Your Full Names:
(2) Your Tel/Mobile Number:
(3) Your Nationality:
(4) Current Country:
(5) Your contact Address:
(6) Occupation:
==============================================================
Once again: CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Regards,
Google Management.
Asia Branch,
Bangkok, Thailand.
feel smarter after a few beers
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
Award Reference code: **********009
Google 11th Anniversary Presentation Centre,
Asia branch office. Nongbon, Pravet,
Bangkok, 25530. Thailand.
REF: CONGRATULATIONS !!! DEAR LUCKY WINNER !
Your email address has been selected as one of the lucky winners in the second batch of the on going Google 11 Anniversary Award as organized by Google Asia branch office in Bangkok, Thailand. Therefore, you have been awarded the sum of Five Hundred Thousand United states Dollars ($500,000.00USD) only.
Kindly visit www.google-thai-management.web.officelive.com for more details.
This promotion was set-up to encourage the active usage of the Internet Google Chrome®. Hence we do believe that with your winning prize, you will continue to be active and patronage to the Internet Google Chrome®.
Award Reference code:GOOGLE568A009
File number:G245
To claim your winning prize kindly contacts our office with below details ASAP:
==============================================================
Dr. Patnam Amorn (Funds Transfer Manager)
E-Mail: patnam.amorn_ftm@accountant.com,
ftm.patnam.amorn@googlemail.com
Tel: +66-897-822690
==============================================================
VERIFICATION AND FUNDS RELEASE FORM. (ASAP)
==============================================================
(1) Your Full Names:
(2) Your Tel/Mobile Number:
(3) Your Nationality:
(4) Current Country:
(5) Your contact Address:
(6) Occupation:
==============================================================
Once again: CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Regards,
Google Management.
Asia Branch,
Bangkok, Thailand.
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