on leave

Two Government employees were working on the road. To my surprise, I found that the first employee dug pits for 2 feet with an interval of every 10 feet. The second employee was coming behind him and filling up the pits.

 

I called one of them and asked why.

 

He said that on that particular day, one of the employees was on leave and his duty was to keep a small plant on every pit after the first employee dug the pits.

 

Bush Strategy.....Nice

Once president BUSH went to a school. After have a brief talk with the children he asked them if they had any questions to ask him.

One boy raised his hand and stood up.

Bush: whats your name

John: john

Bush: whats your question

John: sir I have three questions


1) why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO

2) where is Osama

3) why do America support Pakistan so much



Bush: you are an intelligent student john..(just then the bell for recess rang).

oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.


After the recess

Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?

Peter raises his hand

Bush :Whats your name?

Peter : Peter

Peter : sir I have 5 questions.

1) why did America attack iraqwithout the approval of UNO

2) where is osama

3) why do America support Pakistan so much

4) why did recess bell rang 20 mins before the scheduled time

5) where is JOHN?

Alibaba & 30 thieves

 

 

 

At first, it was Alibaba & 40 Thieves   now it is Alibaba & 30 Thieves WHY? What happened? . . . . . . . Recession Boss!!! Alibaba had removed 10 thieves from his group. Cost Cutting...

 

What is the difference between men and women?

 

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can

find such a man.

 

2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 

3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

 

4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she

won’t change, and she does.

 

5. There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman- before and after marriage.

 

6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets

a wife.

 

7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you

must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

 

8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

 

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new

argument.

 

10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of

romance.

 

 

Quastions and Answers Inside your mind

Honestly, we will have these answers in our mind … but we give different, tailored and suitable answers to the

guy !

 

1. Why did you apply for this job?

Ans: I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.

 

2. Why do you want to work for this company?

Ans: I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don’t have any specific company in mind.

 

3. Why should I hire you?

Ans: You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.

 

4. What would you do if this happened?

Ans: Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation…

 

5. What is your biggest strength?

Ans: Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company

 

6.What is your biggest weakness?

Ans: Girls

 

7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?

Ans: Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today

 

8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?

Ans: Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and

stay there.

 

9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?

Ans: Biggest challenge is answering the question “why are you looking for a change” and I started blabbering

irrelevantly to overcome that.

 

10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?

Ans: For the same reason why you left your earlier job

 

11. What do you want from this job?

Ans: If no work is given but keep giving good hikes

 

12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?

Ans: Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs

 

13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?

Ans: Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I’ve gone through your website

 

 

 

 

a manager

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below responded, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

 

reducing weigh

A fat Officer went to a consultancy for reducing his weight. He was asked to go to a room with an advice that if he could chase a young beautiful girl and touch her, he could marry her.

 

Everyday, he tried to chase and touch her. After 30 days, he reduced his weight considerably. On 31st day, he came with a determination to catch hold of her.

 

But to his surprise, he was asked to go to another room. This time, they said that another fat lady would chase him and if she touches him, she will marry him. This time, he had to run all the more...

 

find out the heigh

I went to my friend's house. He was trying to find out the height of a pole. He placed the pole on a wall and went up the nearby ladder with an inch tape to ascertain the height.

 

I told him "You could have kept the pole on the ground and found out the length"

 

He replied, "Don't talk like an idiot. I want to find out the height and not the length!"

 

Yeh Hai Computer Ke Naam

Suno Mister,Bhai,Bandhu,Shrimaan
Ek Machine dekhi computer hai jis ka naam
Karti hai aapka mahinaon ka minitaon mein kaam
Lagti hai badi dilruba aur istamal bada aasaan

Magar poochiye haqeeqat un se jo karte hain is ka program
Lage hai aapko bahar se jo kaam bada aasaan
Uljhe rahte hain suljhane mein pahelian is ki subah shaam
Ho jata hai nazar isi ki in ka sukh,chain-o-araam
Maalik* yad rakhiyo, kaam nahin ye har kisi ka khaas-o-aam
Chuninda hain woh log jo phodte hain sar apna is bala computer ke Naam

 

needs our help

A couple is in bed sleeping when there's a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.

The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, and it's half past 3 in the morning.” I’m not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. So he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs, opens the door, and there's a man standing there. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's half past three and I was in bed," says the man as he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tell his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," says the wife.” He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.

He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere,

He shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"

And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" The drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."

 

 

Humor: And then the fight started......

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...

So, I took her to a gas station..

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my
wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby
table.

I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started..... .

*************************************************************************************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.


And then the fight started....

*************************************************************************************

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

*************************************************************************************
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that
I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the
driveway.'

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

World's greatest magician .. :)

Three world famous magicians were in the bar drinking and boasting about

their achievements.

The first one said," During my latest show, I made three women from the

audience disappear, it was so convincing that their relatives started

panicking, no one could find the trick"

The second one said, " Hey, that is nothing, during one of my open air

shows I made the Municipality building disappear and the entire town was

searching for it"

The third one sighed and said," Both of you are so local, I went to Paris

and made the Eiffel Tower disappear for a full one hour, it was live on the

TV, entire France was searching for the building & no one had a

clue".

 Just then an Indian walked into the bar and the three magicians suddenly

turned quiet, gave each other fugitive glances and started to slip towards

the door.

A Bartender watching this got curious and asked one of the magicians,

"Hey

what happened  ? Who is that guy ? "

One of the magicians whispered, " He is the World's greatest magician,

he

has done the biggest disappearing trick of all times, we are all mere

amateurs compared  with what he has done. His name is Ramalinga Raju. He

has made USD 1.5 billion disappear from his company's balance sheet in

front of everyone's eyes, and the entire world is still looking for it”

 

AN EGYPTIAN INTELLECTUAL....

 

 

An Egyptian giving an Interview….!!!! Reporter: Hi Egyptian: Hello Reporter: Do u speak English Egyptian: Berfect Reporter: Do u mind if I interview u Egyptian: No, I don't have a mind Reporter: What's your name? Egyptian: Taha Reporter: Sex? Taha: I love it Reporter: oh no, I meant male or female? Taha (yelling): what do u sink? Reporter: it's just for the sake of the report. Never mind...male. ... Taha: No... I like female Reporte r: How do u find life here in Egypt ? Taha: Egybt..Very nice cantry..nice wezar..nice food..byramidz Reporter : Oh well..beside the weather and the pyramids..what else do u like in ur country? Taha: Byramids, nice wezar, nice food Reporter: DO YOU WORK? Taha: Yas, when I am not buzy.. Reporter: What do u think about the traffic problem in Egypt ? Taha : Very big broblem..very much cars..u see?..but za guvurment is trying to make it bettar..zey did za circle street and za mehwar street..and zey make all streets one way so if u go..u cant come back!!! Reporter: What about the economic problems in Egypt ? Taha: I do not undurztand what u say Reporter: I mean..how do u deal with money problems in egypt ? Taha : Egypt very rich cantry...we have alot of cotton..alot of water..and we have byramidz Reporter: So do u make a lot of money? Taha : No no.. it is not legal to make money..one frend I know make money at home..and he go to brizon..if u make money at home.. you will go to brizon Reporter : let me rephrase..since Egypt is a rich country.. do u have a lot of money? Taha: me? ...Not a lot…..but I eat and drink Alhamdulelah? Reporter: Then where does all the money go? Taha: Guvurment Reporter: And what does the government do with the money? Taha : Zey Build circle street, mehwar street and make all streets one way Reporter: well , Ok...Do u vote? Taha: What duz zat mean? Reporter: Do u choose your president Taha: Who, Mubarak? Reporter: yes Taha (nervously) : I didn't give my voice..But if I was. I will give him my voice Reporter: Why him? Taha : Because he was an airoplane in za war..he waz za leadar airoplane Reporter: But there r no wars right now Taha : But if we have war..u see?...we know we will have a very good airoplane in it Reporter: what about the last 26 years? Taha: I got marry..and have Ahmed an d Amira..and………. Reporter: No, I meant Mubarak. Taha: He also marry… and have… Reporter (interrupting) : No, I meant what did Mubarak do for Egypt in the last 26 years Taha: He build circle street, mehwar street and make all streets one way Reporter: Thank you very much for ur time Mr. Taha Taha: No broblem, only 10 bounds Reporter: I never said i will pay u for this Taha : ok ok…. Zanks a lot.

 

Don't Copy If U Can't Paste...!!

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. Said he:
 "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who
wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added:  "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried
to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a
drink.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms
of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went wan with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the
joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who
she was!"

Moral of the story:
Don't copy if you can't paste!

 

Keep smiling

Ek ladki thi deewani si

.
.
.
.
.
Mobile lekar chalti thi
.
.
.
.
.
Nazrain jhuka ke
.
.
.
.
.
.
Sharma ke
.
.
.
.
.
.
Mobile mein jaane kya dekha karti thi!
.
.
.
.
.
Kuchh karna tha shaayad usko
.
.
.
.
.
Par jaane kis se darti thi
.
.
.
.
.
Jab bhi milti thi mujhse
.
.
.
.
.
Yehi poochha karti thi
.
.
.
.
.
Yeh ON kaise hota hai,
Yeh ON kaise hota hai
.

 
 aur main sirf yehi kah pata tha

 
 
 
 ye mobile nahi TV ka remote hai.........!!!!!!!!!

 

How men change

How men change

 

The Love Word:

After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!

After 6 months: Of course, I love you.

After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why did I marry you?

 

Back from Work:

After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home!

After 6 months: I'm BACK!!

After 6 years: Have you cooked yet?

 

Phone Ringing:

After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.

After 6 months: Here, it's for you.

After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!

 

Cooking:

After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!

After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?

After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN??

 

New Dress:

After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.

After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?

After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?

 

TV:

After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?

After 6 months: I like this movie.

After 6 years: I'm going to watch PIRATES play, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself!

red shirt

A 17th Century captain was sailing along with his crew when a pirate ship came over the horizon. The captain says, "Cabin boy, get me my red shirt." So, he gets his red shirt and they victoriously battle the pirates.

 

Several days later, they spot another pirate ship off the port bow. "Cabin boy," says the captain "get me my red shirt." They again battle the pirates and are victorious.

 

Later when things had settled down, the cabin boy asks, "Captain, why do you always want your red shirt just prior to battle?"

 

The captain responds, "Well, in case I am inflicted with a wound, I don't want the crew to see my injury and lose spirit." "I see," says the cabin boy.

 

A few days later, they sight 20 pirate in the distance the captain yells out, "Cabin boy, get me my brown pants."

 

BEAUTIFUL QUOTES

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

 

 

--Anonymous

 

 

****************

 

 

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

 

 

--Oscar Wilde

 

 

****************

 

 

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

 

 

--Scottish Proverb

 

 

****************

 

 

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

 

 

--Sam Kinison

 

 

****************

 

 

Men have a better time than women; for one thing,

 

 

they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.

 

 

--H. L. Mencken

 

 

****************

 

 

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.

 

 

When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

 

 

****************

 

 

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

 

 

****************

 

 

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,

 

 

you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

 

 

****************

 

 

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

 

 

--Anonymous

 

 

****************

 

 

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

 

 

She said,"Somewhere I h! ave never been!" I told her,

 

 

"How about the kitchen?"

 

 

--Anonymous

 

 

****************

 

 

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

 

 

****************

 

 

My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.

 

 

That was only for the estimate.

 

 

--Anonymous

 

 

****************

 

 

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

 

 

--Anonymous

 

 

****************

 

 

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"

 

 

Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."

 

 

--Anonymous

 

 

****************

 

 

Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married.

 

 

He says "the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs....."

 

 

--Anonymous

 

 

****************

 

 

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first?

 

 

The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in!

 

 

--Anonymous

 

 

****************

 

 

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

 

 

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?"

 

 

The first man approached him and said,

 

"Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?"

 

 

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."

 

 

 

****************

 

 

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin .

 

 

The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

 

 

The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works ! "

 

 

****************