Adam and Eve

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.

Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?

God: So you will always want to look at her.

Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?

God: So you will always want to touch her.

Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?

God: So you will always want to be near her.

Adam: That’s wonderful Lord, and I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?

God: So she would love

 

 

 

Honorable Men

 
"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied,"No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied,"Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him,"Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious."You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied,"Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

The moral of this story is:Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

 

Balayya new series...

 

 

Jr.NTR: Babai, ivala Non-Veg thindamaa???
Balayya: Sure..
Jr.NTR: Mari em thindam babai...?
Balayya: Fish thindamu ra... baaguntundi....
Jr. NTR: Vaddu.. babai... andulo mullu untayi...
Balayya: Parledu ra... cheppulu vesukuni thindam...

Jr.NTR: Nuvvu keka babai....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Balayya attends interview for the railway Job:
 
Interview: What should be done to avoid the train accidents?
Balayya: Simple, Speed breaksni tracks meeds kattisthe saripothundi...
Automaticga taggipothayi accidents.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One more wonderful Joke:
 
Jr.NTR: Babai, repu maadi gruha pravesham.. nuvvu thappakunda raavali... sarena?
Balayya: Alage thappakunda vasthara... intaki function hall ekkada???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Balayya dance chesthu maths exam raasthunnadu...
Do you know why???
 
 
   

Why??
 
   
 

Because he heard from somewhere that in maths... every step carries marks....

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jr NTR Sips Fanta n yelled: A aah Fantastic…..

 

Balayya drinks coke n yelled: A aah….cockastic…

 

 

Jr NTR: nuvu keka babbai

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Manthri: Maharaaja "YUDDHANIKI SIDDHAM AVVAMANI PAKKA DESHAM RAJU SMS PAMPARU..." em cheyyamantaru Prabhu (Balayya).....????
Balayya: "SMS SENDING FAILED" ani reply pampandi... manthri...
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idi keka
 
One more New Joke:
Balayya: Doctorgaru, meeru raasina mandullo (medicines) anni dorikayi kaani... aa last medicine maatram dorakatam ledu...
Doctor: Stupid, ela dorukuthundi... adi naa signature ra JAFFA....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
A friend of Balayya asks him a question:

Friend: khali kadupuna(empty stomach) nuvvu enni idlilu tinagalavu?
Balayya: 6
Friend: kaadu nuvvu okkati kante ekkuva tinalevu....
Balayya:Ala ela autundi.. sare naaku prove chesi chupinchu. ani antadu..
Friend: ok.. nuvvu okka idli thinna ventane.. adi khali kadupu avvadu kada???
Balayya: abba super joke cheppav ra.. maa Jr.NTR ni kuda aduguthanu.. ani akkadi nundi vellipothadu...
Balayya goes to Jr.NTR & asks him the same question:
Balayya: Orey khali kadupuna nuvvu enni idlilu tinagalavu..
Jr.NTR:10
Balayya:Cha 6 ani cheppi unte neekoka super joke cheppevadini...
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Magadheera style
 
Vaadi cinema release ayye vishayam prakruthi munde pasigaduthundi...
Theaterlo domalanni dooranga egiripothayi.....
Record dishaga vasthunna collections anni okkasariga aagipothayi...
vaadi moham manishila kaadu... maadipoyina masala vada laaga kanipisthundi
Athade....
 
 
   
 
 

Balayya BABU
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Balayya in the movie YE Maya CHESAVE
 
JESSI: Ne age entha?
BALAYYA: just 55
JESSI: Naku 22. Paravaledu, ma nanna adigithe thatha lanti vadivi ani chepestha
BALAYYA: I dont wanna be ur thatha jessi
JESSI: Nakuu akkarledu. Already oka thatha unadu saripoda naku
BALAYYA: Naku kuda oka manavaralu undi. Ippatnunchi prapanchamlo unna ammailu andaru na manavaralle, oka nuvvu thappa
Jessi: Enduku
BaALAYYA: Adantha ippudu cheppalenu. Na cinema SIMHA lo chudu  
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor 2 Bali: am Sorry Babu garu...meeku Brain tumor undi...
Bali:hammayaaaaaaa....idokati chalu doctor naku brain undi ani cheppukovataniki chala chala thanks....
 
Doctor fainted
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Balakrishna proposes a telangana girl in this way:
I love you,
I can do anything for you,
I can get the stars from sky for you,
I want you,
I can die for you,
I can't live without you
I want to marry you,
I can get anything in this world
Girl: Anna, manaki angrez raadu, zara telugu sepparaade...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brand New Joke:
 
Yamudu: Balayya, ivaltiki nee aayusshu chellinadi.. ninnu teesukunipovutake nenu vacchindi.. Nee aakhari korika emiti?
Balayya: Please okasari meeru naa cinemalu chudandi.....

Yamudu: Rascal, Idiot nenu neeku sketch vesthe nuvvu naake sketch vesthunnava?
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Balayya has applied for a job in mobile company and he was thrown out for answering the first question itself...
you know what was the question?
Interviewer: Which is the best and biggest network
and the answer was an amazing one.....
 
 
 
Balayya: CARTOON NETWORK.......
 
************************************************
Balayya goes to a shop for buying shampoo.
 
Balayya: Ee shampoo entha?
Shopkeeper: 110Rs
Balayya: Deenitho paatu emanna free unda?
ShopKeeper: Emiledu sir.
Balayya: Enduku abaddam cheptav.. deeni meeda dandruff free ani raasi undi kada? mari emi free ledu antaave????
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ballaya to shopkeeper:oka 8th class book ivvandi
 
shopkeeper:stock ledu
ballaya:aithe rendu 4th class books ivvandi repu exam undi naku 

 

at the pearly gates

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.

St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homes where they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.

Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says, "Here you go" and goes to leave when the forester says "Wait minute! How come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?"

St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before."

 

 

more tactful

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram. Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram. Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward -- NOT SO FAST, McGRATH!"

 

 

Installing a Husband

 
A woman writes to the IT Technical support.....
 
Dear Tech Support ,
 
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications , which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
 
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 , and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0 , MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
 
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
 
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
 
Signed,
_______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
 
___ _______
 
 
REPLY
 
DEAR Madam ,
 
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
 
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update .
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5...
 
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
 
Whatever you do, DO NOT in any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
 
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
 
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software
to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.
 
Good Luck Madam!

Fact

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her”

Dad: That happens in every country, son

 

used to

He didn’t like the curry
And he didn’t like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.

I didn’t prepare the coffee right
He didn’t like the stew;
I didn’t mend his socks
the way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Isn’t there anything I could do
To match his mothers shoe

Then I smiled as I saw light
One thing I could definitely do

I turned around
and slapped him tight...
Like his mother used to!!!!!

Tech Support

Dear Tech Support Team:
 
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
 
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
 
Please help!
 
Thanks,
"A Troubled User"
 
 
REPLY:
 
Dear Troubled User:
 
This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Cosmetics 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
 
STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

 

DANGEROUS ALPHABET

WHICH IS THE MOST DANGEROUS ALPHABET OF ALL?

" W "!!

B'COZ ALL WORIES START WITH "W"

WHO?
WHY?
WHAT?
WHEN?
WHICH?
WHOM?
WHERE?
WAR!
AND FINALLY

WIFE....!

 

final request

Cannibals capture three men.

 

The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes.

 

Then they are each given a final request.

 

The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.

 

His request is granted, and they poison him.

 

The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family.

 

This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes.

 

Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork.

 

The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork.

 

As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts,

 

"To hell with your canoes!"

Wife and Girlfriend

Wife is like TV
girlfriend is like MOBILE (Cell)

At home watch TV
go out bring MOBILE

No money, sell TV
Got money change MOBILE

Sometimes enjoy TV
but most of the time play with MOBILE

TV is free for life
but MOBILE if you don't pay, the services will be terminated

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!
But MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable at any time

Operational cost for TV is often acceptable
but for MOBILE is high and often demanding

TV got remote
MOBILE don't have

Most important, MOBILE is two ways communication (talk and listen)
but with TV you MUST listen to it (either you want to hear nagging or not)

Last but not least! TV do not have virus, but MOBILE, yes, they do have VIRUS!

 

 

creation

GOD:I Can’t Be Everywhere So I Created MOTHERS

DEVIL:I Can’t Be Everywhere So I Created GIRLS.

GOD: Don’t Worry I Have Created BOYS To Change Them To MOTHERS!