smarter dog

Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter.

First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me.

Second woman: I know.

First one: How?

Second one: My dog told me.

When it cries?

With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65 year-old woman gave birth to a baby. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

"May we see the new baby?" one asked

"Not yet… Soon," said the 65 year-old mother.

 

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"Not yet," said the mother.

 

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No," replied the mother.

 

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?"

"WHEN IT CRIES," she told them.

"WHEN IT CRIES??" they demanded.  "Why do we have to wait until it CRIES??"

"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put it..."

 

Sardar at railway Station

Our Sardar, one day is at the railway station. He asks one man

 

"When will Rajdhani Express go from here"?

 

Man Replies 12.30.

 

"When will Punjab Express go from here"?

 

Man Replies 10.30.

 

"When will Deccan Queen go from here"?

 

Man Replies 12.30.

 

Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains.

Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not.

 

Sardar replies,

 

"NO. I only want to cross the tracks!"

interesting game

 

A poet and a scientist were traveling together on a plane. The scientist was bored and said to the poet, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $5."

The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.

The scientist, who was really bored, tried again. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50."

The poet agreed. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the exact distance between the Earth and the Moon?"

The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist.

The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's your turn."

The poet thought about this for a few minutes, and then asked, "All right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?"

The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia. As the plane was landing the scientist gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill.

The poet accepted it graciously, getting ready to stand up. "Wait!" the scientist shouted, "you can't do this to me! What's the answer?"

The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into his hand.

Who said it .............?

 

Who said it ……………?. It was the first day of school and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian  entered the fourth grade at Grapevine Middle School in Grapevine, Texas.    The teacher said,  "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.  Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"    She saw a sea of blank faces,  except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:  "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.    "Very good!  Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People,  shall not perish from the Earth'?" Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar.  "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said  Chandrasekhar.      The teacher snapped at the class,  "Class, you should be ashamed.  Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."    She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians."    "Who said that?" she demanded.   Chandrasekhar put his hand up.  "General Custer, 1862."    At that point, a student in the back said,  "I'm gonna puke."    The teacher glared around and asked,  "All right! Now, who said that?"    Again, Chandrasekhar said,  "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,  1991."    Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? …….. this!".   Chandrasekhar jumped out of his chair waving his hand  and shouted to the teacher,  "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"   Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll   kill you."   Chandrasekhar frantically yelled at the top of his voice,  "Michael Jackson, to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004."   The teacher fainted.  And as the class gathered around the teacher slumped on the floor, someone said,  "Oh shit, we're screwed!"   And Chandrasekhar said quietly,  "I think it was the American taxpayers, during the 2009 bailouts."

 

face-lift

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the

hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death

experience.

 

Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?"

 

God said, "No, you

have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live."

 

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift,  liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer.

 

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, an ambulance killed her.

 

Arriving in front of God, she demanded,

"I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of

the path of that ambulance?"

 

God replied, "Girl, I didn't recognize you”

 

management lesson

Ek din ek kutta jungle main raasta kho gaya .

Tabhi usane dekha ek sher uskii taraf aa raha hai. Kutte ki saans rookh gayi. "Aaj to kaam tamaam mera!" usne socha. Phir usne saamane kuchh sookhi haddiyan padi dekhi. Woh aate hue sher ki taraf peeth kar ke baith gaya aur ek sookhi hadii ko choosane laga aur zor zor se bolne laga, "wah! Sher ko khaane ka maza hi kuchh aur hai. Ek aur mil jaaye to poori daawat ho jayegi!" Aur usne zor se dakaar mara. Is bar sher jhatkaa laga. Usne socha "ye kutta to sher ka shikar karta hai! Jaan bacha kara bhago!" Aur sher wahan se champat ho gaya .

Ped par baitha ek Bandar yeh sab tamasha dekh raha tha.. Usne socha yeh mauka achha hai sher ko sari kahani bata deta hoon - sher se dosti ho jayegi aur usase zindagi bhar ke liye jaan ka khatra dur ho jayega. Woh phataphat sher ke pichhe bhaga. Kutte ne Bandar ko jaate hue dekh liya aur samajh gaya ki koi locha hai. Udhar Bandar ne sher ko sab bata diya ki kaise kutte ne use bewakoof banaya hai. Sher zor se dahada, "chal mere sath abhi uski leela kahatam karta hu" aur Bandar ko apani peeth par baitha kar sher kutte ki taraf lapka..




Can u imagine the quick management by the DOG......... .......... ...

Kutte ne sher ko aate dekha to ek bar phir uskii taraf peeth karke baith gaya aur zor zor se bolne laga, "Is Bandar ko bhej ke 1 ghanta ho gaya, saala ek sher phaans kar nahi la sakta!"

 

DEATHS THAT MADE EVEN TOP DOCTORS WONDER...

DEATHS THAT MADE EVEN TOP DOCTORS WONDER... This case happened in a hospital's Intensive care ward where Patients always died in the same bed and on all Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM . So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil........ Just when the clock struck 11... and then...... Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and Unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner!!!!! !!!!!

hahahaha

list of presents

"As you don't seem to know what you'd like for Christmas, Freddie,"

said his mother, "here's a printed list of presents for a good little boy."

 

Freddie read over the list, and then said:

 

"Mother, haven't you a list for a bad little boy?"

 

 

Sholey In IT market

Jay : Mausi, ladka Satyam mein kaam karta hai..
Mausi : Hai ram..!!! Aur kahin try kar raha hai kya??

Jay : kahan mausi, 2 saal Satyam me rahne ke baad koi Company leti kahan hai...
Mausi : Hi Raam to kya 2 saal se Satyam mein hi hai..

Jay : haan socha tha 2 saal me salary hike hogi hi. Aajkal to salary bhi jyada NAHI mil rahi hai use..
Mausi : To kya salary BHI KAM milti HAI..?

Jay : Ab appraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi..
Mausi : Hai hai ...!! To kya appraisal bhi nahi hota uska..?

Jay : Senior se ladhai karne ke baad appraisal mein achhi rating to nahin milti hai na... Mausi..
Mausi : To kya seniors se ladhta bhi hai..?

Jay : Ab 2 saal tak onsite Jane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi kabhi anban..
Mausi : To kya AB tak ek baar bhi onsite nahi gaya ...???

Jay : Ab Outdated technology ke developer ki kismat mein to yehi
likha hai mausi..
Mausi : kya kaha ladka Outdated technology mein kaam karata hai..!!!

Mausi : Kaunse college se padhai ki hai..?
Jay : Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar de denge!!

Jay : To main rishta pakka samjhuna mausi???
Mausi : Beta, kan khol kar sun Le...Sagi mausi hoon basanti ki, koi sauteli maa nahi....

Bhale hi hamaari Basanti Call Center wale Chandu se shaadi kar Le par Satyam ke employee se katai nahin karegi ..