be more tactful

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram. Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram. Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward -- NOT SO FAST, McGRATH!"

funny but realistic.....isn't it?

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!

 

MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

 

DIVORCE:
Future Tense of Marriage

 

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either

 

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

 

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

 

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!

 

DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes before marriage

 

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

 

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before

 

CLASSIC:
A book which people praise, but never read

 

SMILE:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight!

 

OFFICE:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life

 

YAWN:
The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth

 

ETC:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do

 

COMMITTEE:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together

 

EXPERIENCE:
The name men give to their Mistakes

 

ATOM BOMB:
An invention to bring an end to all inventions

 

PHILOSOPHER:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

 

DIPLOMAT:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip

 

OPPORTUNIST:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river

 

OPTIMIST:
A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

 

PESSIMIST:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY

 

MISER:
A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!

 

FATHER:
A banker provided by nature

 

CRIMINAL:
A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught

 

BOSS:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

 

POLITICIAN:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later

 

DOCTOR:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you

 

 

THE FAVOURITE CHILD

THE FAVOURITE CHILD

 

 

 

The woman had three sons and six daughters. Her day was full of chores to fulfill the numerous demands of her growing troop. She was always busy with cooking, washing, cleaning, dusting ironing and also counselling! One day her youngest son fell sick. She called up the doctor and requested him to drop by and examine him.

 

 

 

As he checked the boy's throat, he asked the lady, "Madam, how many children do you have?" She hesitated for a moment, then said, "As many as I can take care of!" The man watched her as she sat beside her five year old son, who was burning with high fever. She dipped small hand towels into a basin of water, turn by turn and used them to wipe the boy's burning brow.

 

 

 

From the doorway, her teenaged daughter, called out, "Mama, where are my hairpins?" "They're in the brown box on the console, honey." Just then her other son popped in, "I have to stay back after school for football today, I need an extra Tiffin, Mom." She smiled and said, "Yes, darling I remember you have a football match today. I've packed an extra sandwich in the white box along with your Tiffin. It's lying on the table, next to your breakfast. Now, run along and let me talk to the doctor."

 

 

 

The doctor admired the ease with which she was in command of everything around her. He asked her, "Which one of them is your favourite?"

 

She said simply, "The one who needs me most." "Which one?" he asked in surprise.

 

She said, "The one who is sick; the one who is sad; the one who is lonely.... the one who needs me most ...  That is my favourite child!"

sign the checks

One Christmas, a parent decided that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a result, their grandmother did not receive acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given.

 

However, things were different the following year.

 

"The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly.

 

"How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the change in their behavior?"

 

"Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks."

New sholay : scene ( viru ke rishtee ki baat )

Jay : Mausi, ladka Satyam mein kaam karta hai..

Mausi : Hai ram..!!! Aur kahin try kar raha hai kya??

 

Jay : kahan mausi, 2 saal Satyam me rahne ke baad koi Company leti kahan hai...

Mausi : Hi Raam to kya 2 saal se Satyam mein hi hai..

 

Jay : haan socha tha 2 saal me salary hike hogi hi. Aajkal to salary

bhi jyada NAHI mil rahi hai use..

Mausi : To kya salary BHI KAM milti HAI..?

 

Jay : Ab appraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi..

Mausi : Hai hai ...!! To kya appraisal bhi nahi hota uska..?

Jay : Senior se ladhai karne ke baad appraisal mein achhi rating to

nahin milti hai na... Mausi..

Mausi : To kya seniors se ladhta bhi hai..?

 

Jay : Ab 2 saal tak onsite Jane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi kabhi anban..

Mausi : To kya AB tak ek baar bhi onsite nahi gaya ...???

 

Jay : Ab Outdated technology ke developer ki kismat mein to yehi

Likha hai mausi..

Mausi : kya kaha ladka Outdated technology mein kaam karata hai..!!!

 

Mausi : Kaunse college se padhai ki hai..?

Jay : Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar de denge!!

Jay : To main rishta pakka samjhuna mausi???

Mausi : Beta, kan khol kar sun Le...Sagi mausi hoon basanti ki, koi

sauteli maa nahi....Bhale hi hamaari Basanti bank  wale Chandu

se shaadi kar Le par IT  ke employee se katai nahin karegi .

 

Fun shayarie

 

Ek ladki thi diwani si, sunder si lambi si, Nazrein jhukake sharmake galion se guzra karti thi Latak matak chalti thi, aur kaha karti thi, Bartan Lelo Bartan.... ..............................................     Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain Yeh to unke bachche hee kaminey hain, Jo Mama Mama kehke bulaate hain :) ..............................................     Shaam hote hi ye Dil udaas hota hai Toote khwaboo ke siwa kuch na pass hota hai Tumahri yaad aise waqt bohat aati hai Bandar jab koi aas-paas hota hai.. ..............................................     Dekha tujhe to rooh khush ho gayi, Ek kami thi vo bhi puri ho gayi, Pagal hain vo log jo kehte hain ki, Chimpanzi ki aakhri nasal kahin kho gayi!! ..............................................

 

what comes

The teacher asked little Andy if he knew his numbers yet. "Yes,
teacher," he said, "my dad taught me."

"Good, Andy. Tell me what comes after two," the teacher said. "Three,"
replied Andy.

"Very good. What comes after five, Andy?" asked the teacher. "Six,"
answered Andy.

"Excellent. Your dad did a very good job. Now, what comes after ten?"
the teacher asked.

"A jack!" replied Andy.

That's Life

God created the donkey
and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50years is much. Give me only 20years"
God granted his wish.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!

God created the dog
and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and
you will live 30years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30years is too much,give me only15 years.
" God granted his wish.size=6>
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
God created the monkey
and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live
20 years. "
The monkey
answered:
"To live 20years is too much, give me only 10years."
God granted his wish.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!

Finally God created man...
and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20years."

Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20 years is very little,
give me the 30years that the donkey refused,
the 15years that the dog did not want and
the 10years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......

And since then, man lives
20 years as a man ,

marries and spends
30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life.

Men Vs. Women

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora") because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

 

 

 

Love Life & Indian Advertisements

Want to propose a girl

Just do it - Nike

 

 

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Before going to propose to a girl

Believe in the best - BPL.

 

 

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If you are hesitating before proposing to a girl

Vicks ki goli lo kich kich door karo -

 

 

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If you are going to propose to a girl

Chances are 50-50 - Britannia.

 

 

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If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her

Take it easy - Limca.

 

 

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Girl says NO !

Jor ka jhatka dhire se lage - Mirinda.

 

 

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Those who succeed in love always say

We dream because we do - Daewoo.

 

 

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If some one wants to write a love letter to his girlfriend

Likho script apna apna.- Rotomac.

 

 

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If you love someone

Go get it - Visa power.

 

 

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Boy riding a bike with neighbor's girl

Neighbors envy owner's pride - Onida.

 

 

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Not satisfied with your date

Yeh dil mangey more - Pepsi.

 

 

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A guy having a number of girl friends

The Complete Man - Raymonds.

 

 

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A smart girl having a number of boyfriends

Yeh hai hamara suraksha chakra - Colgate.

 

 

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For those lost in love

Har shaam ka sathi main aur mera - Bagpiper Whisky.

 

 

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For a guy 'r gal who hasn't yet found one

Dhoondte rehe jayo ge - Surf Excel

 

 

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